


Like Those Late Night Infomercials

by cat_77



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, WandaVision (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s01e04 We Interrupt This Program, Gen, Missing Scene, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cat_77/pseuds/cat_77
Summary: Darcy is an idea person.  It’s just that some choose to listen to those ideas, and some choose to think she’s a horrible security risk for things they don’t understand.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 179





	Like Those Late Night Infomercials

“So, the awesome Monica Rambeau’s awesome drone turned into a toy helicopter, Monica herself turned into a 70’s icon, and something between a wish and a dream turned into twins, did I sum that up right?” Darcy asked as she spun a pen through her fingers. 

“It’s a fair assessment,” the man at her side agreed. Jimmy Woo. She liked him. He treated her with actual respect and not for any reason other than he thought everyone deserved it. He didn’t look down on her or brush her off or realize she found like this amazing thing that could be the key to everything and then ask why she didn’t find more versus first congratulating her on the find in the first place. Not that she was bitter over that last part or anything.

“We need to find out what’s happening in there,” the military guy in charge that was a fair size douche said as though it was a remarkable observation.

“Everything we send gets transformed into something harmless, and era-appropriate for whatever era this Wanda is currently projecting,” Woo reminded him. 

They brainstormed for a little while longer and Darcy watched another episode that mainly consisted of Wanda and Vision learning how to change the twins’ diapers without needing to change the décor of the entire house. Every trope and overdone comedic play were made, just like it would have been if it was an actual old show they were watching. Like, take your pick of the most popular five from that given era and some part of it now played out before them. 

And then Darcy had an idea. The babbling beside her had quieted down a little, so her declaration was a little louder than she had intended when she offered, “What if we tried something Wanda wouldn’t have seen yet?”

“She hadn’t seen Captain Rambeau before, nor that drone,” one of the military guys, Doofus, Darfas, something like that, said with a fair amount of distain.

Darcy just rolled her eyes. “But she had seen a drone before, and a female agent trying to fit in, right? I’m talking tech, small, unobtrusive. I’m assuming she’s got something going to nullify cloaking algorithms, so don’t waste her time with that. Not to mention that might draw her attention more.”

The military guys still looked skeptical, but good ol’ Jimmy offered, “Are you talking something shrunk to miniature like the Pym technology, or something small to start with, like nano-tech?”

“Nano,” she said decisively. “Like, she probably knows about it from Stark, but she doesn’t know everything about it, just that his suit used it. We can see if Stark Industries has something ready to go, or hit up T-Man because the Wakandans have some kickin’ stuff as well? Or, let’s be real, SHIELD totally has stolen some by now and SWORD totally works with SHIELD so, sharesies?”

She was met by an admittedly eerie silence. A silence that was followed by an unnecessarily harsh, “Miss Lewis!”

“Doctor Lewis,” she corrected absently. 

She looked up to find the head military guy glaring at her like all of his life choices that led him to this moment were somehow personally her fault. “Aside from the confidential nature of this mission, you are referencing top secret information that I do believe you do not have the clearance to know about,” he seethed.

“And yet I do know about it, almost as if I have the clearance or something,” she muttered.

“And what, we are just supposed to request these devices from these sources and you expect them to appear? Do you know the paperwork and timeframes we are talking about, and how much could happen in that time?” he continued as though he hadn’t heard her even though she was fairly certain he had.

She dared to glance up at him and made sure she looked as innocent and docile as possible, which somehow people still believed, and said, “No, I figured I’d call Pepper and ask her? If she doesn’t have anything right away, T’Challa would put Shuri on the case and we’d have it in no time.”

More than a single military dude started fuming and turning interesting colors, but it was Jimmy beside her who clarified, “Pepper? As in Potts?”

She nodded easily enough. “Did I tell you about the time I worked with Doctor Jane Foster as her personal assistant? We met Thor together. I tased him. It was great. Later we took on some Dark Elves. Anyway, you kind of bond over all those near-death experiences and end up making some lasting friendships and then those friendships make more friendships. Also, she might have talked Tony into paying for pretty much my entire doctorate.”

Jimmy took it all in stride, but it was the Doofus guy who demanded, “Who are you?”

She offered her hand and replied, “Doctor Darcy Lewis, former assistant to Doctor Jane Foster, former honey of Thor of Asgard. Which reminds me, did you want me to ask him to try to talk some sense into Wanda given their past working relationship? We were supposed to have a pizza night but then this whole thing came up, pretty sure he’d reschedule? Also, he’s totally re-bonding with the Warriors Three. I’d say Sif too, but I think she’s got a less than secret thing going with Valkyrie, if you know what I mean?”

Which is how she found herself locked in the security tent under watch with all of her belongings confiscated while she protested that she was going to miss the next episode. For all of about an hour. Dude made a single phone call to his superiors and next thing she knew, she was being released.

She stepped back out into the open and caring arms of the military-like setup and headed right back to her station, garnering all sorts of weird looks and whispers along the way. Whatever. She had worse.

She found Jimmy had kept the random peons away from her seat and most of her tech, and he offered her both a chair and a bag of chips. She didn’t even get to fully open them before an unfortunately familiar voice said, “Really, Lewis, this might be a record for you.”

A grin broke out over her face despite her best efforts to keep it in check. “Maria! Does this mean we’re going to get the baby drones?”

Deputy Director Maria Hill just raised one perfect eyebrow. “They claim you referenced top secret information and technology and wish to have you placed in custody.”

Darcy waived it off. “I said either Pepper or the Wakandans might have something to help,” she clarified. “You really think Pep wouldn’t help a fellow Avenger angsting over everything that happened? Or Shuri wouldn’t help a fellow badass woman in need?”

Maria tilted her head to the side and admitted, “You’re not wrong, but let’s start with something a little more localized? SHIELD has duplicated a prototype of miniaturized drones created by one of its own science teams. Non-public, so Maximoff shouldn’t know about them. Stark tech might have bells and whistles she recognizes. Wakandan the same. She’s never met Fitz or Simmons, so these should be unfamiliar.”

She snapped her fingers and a minion deposited something that looked like a briefcase onto her desktop after Woo quickly moved the snack foods away. “Oh, my Thor, you are the best Auntie Maria!” she enthused.

Hill rolled her eyes, but she caught the way the corners of her lips tipped upwards into a smile for a brief moment. “Let me know if you need to make any modifications, and actually document those mods this time? This setup you and Captain Rambeau came up with is impressive, but we both know you can do better.”

Darcy nodded absently, already opening the case to look at the goodies. It was Jimmy though, who spoke up, “Ma’am? Captain Rambeau had nothing to do with setting this up. She was sucked into that other reality prior to Doctor Lewis’ arrival, and has been in both the Infirmary and debriefings since.”

Maria actually blinked at that. She recovered quickly enough to correct herself and offer, “You did good, Lewis. Your family and mentors would be proud.”

She almost replied something sappy, but stopped herself with, “Are these suckers honestly named after a kid’s book?”

Maria took it in stride. “You were only given four. Agent Fitz’s prototype was seven, possibly solely so that he could name them after the dwarves. Though, I have been advised that Mopsy is similar to Bashful, so be careful with that one, its predecessor tended to be a bit finicky.”

“Noted,” she replied, already planning out what she could do with them.

Officer Doofus interrupted to ask, “Miss Hill, ma’am?”

“Agent Hill,” came the correction that brought a grin to Darcy’s face.

“Ah, yes, Agent Hill,” the man hastily corrected. “Is Miss Lewis one of yours? There would have been no question as to her clearance if that was known going in.”

Maria snorted, indelicate. “Doctor Lewis is not one of ours, primarily because far too many people have protested the idea, not the least of which being Doctor Lewis herself. I do suggest that you listen to her and offer any assistance you may provide. Those who have protested are a little on the protective side at times.”

“Unless you drink the last of the coffee and don’t make a new pot, I don’t think Clint has forgiven me for that,” she said absently as she poked at a control. The one marked Cottontail flew out of the case to hover beside her.

“No, Agent Barton has not forgiven you for breaking his third favorite bow,” Hill corrected easily enough.

“Eh, fair,” she admitted. She had been trying to get a sensor into place without having to climb a very tall and very narrow ladder. She figured he wasn’t truly mad when he managed the shot for her with a backup.

She was still poking when she heard, “Have fun and call if you need anything else, you have the number and they have been told to cooperate with you.” She waved in thanks, as did Jimmy beside her, but did not look up from her new pretties until she heard, “And for the love of SHIELD, someone get her a coffee. You do not want to deal with an under-caffeinated Lewis. How she hasn’t taken you all out yet is a miracle.”

She actually had a bit more success after that what with people jumping to get her things out of fear of Hill’s reprisal. Or at least she did until she sent in the first two mini-drones. They got a good read and everything, showing them the ins and outs of the little time-warped town for nearly a full day before she noticed the first abnormality.

“Did they just…” Woo asked.

She nodded as the feed raised and lowered in a semi-rhythmic pattern. “They appear to be hopping? But are still transmitting as of now, so let’s run with it until they either become furballs or be fruitful and multiply,” she suggested.

“How is this real?” Doofus asked from some place behind her.

“How am I out of coffee?” she asked instead.

Jimmy held up the two empty cups that were immediately taken away by some random peon. There was a protest that humans had a limit to their caffeine tolerance, but it was the main military douche that replied, “From the records I was granted, this one does not. Get her a refill and maybe something other than cup noodles and chips? I have a feeling this is going to be a long night.”

He was not wrong. But at least they had about fifteen other feeds to sort through by the end of it, so that was cool.


End file.
